The Almighty Debit Card and Vodka Red Bull

Today, I will discuss the all powerful, all controlling, all everything DEBIT CARD. Until recently (about 4 months ago) I had been a strictly all cash person. I would cash my checks and then deposit them into the First Bank of Crane aka my dresser drawer and any other place I chose to hide my money. This system has worked great for me for a long time. No insufficient funds, no bounced checks, no dealing with the evil corporate devil that is the banking industry. However, I eventually folded after hearing my friends, family, bums on the street, perfect strangers, speak so highly of the convenience of having a banking account, and with that a DEBIT CARD. At first, I was thrilled, I could pay my bills online, I didn't have to horde large sums of cash at my house, I could write checks, no more money orders, it was great. Now lets introduce one of my favorite pastimes in life.............Drinking.

To say that I enjoy a good night of drinking would be one of the biggest understatements in the history of man. When I was a strictly all cash guy I never had to worry about spending too much money, when my pocket of cash was gone the night ended. Unless I could either convince the bartender I was a celebrity and that they should just give me free drinks all night, don't laugh this has been done before, anyway I am a celebrity at least in my mind or I could get my fellow drinking participants to buy me drinks. I was usually pretty good at keeping the drinks flowing even after my cash ran out, simply put, when I get started drinking it can be pretty entertaining and I have learned that people are willing to pay for that show. Unfortunately the all cash days are over, because now I have the DEBIT CARD. I am slowly starting to come to the conclusion that someone who likes to partake in sipping on the devil's brew (as I do) maybe shouldn't have a DEBIT CARD. Perfect example is waking up the next day, and going wow what I great time I had at blah blah blah bar, and then finding a receipt for some bar you don't remember going to, and then realizing you went significantly over your drinking budget for the night. Ah good times!!!

Now I can say that I am a pretty successful drinker definitely in the major leagues, probably be in the Hall of Fame before it's all over, but there are certain drinks that effect me more than others. Vodka and Red Bull, holy shit were have you been all my life! What a drink combination, the vodka tells your brain, "Hey were fucked up, we should go to sleep!" and the Red Bull says, "Fuck that! We're a fucking rock star! Let's break some shit!" When drank in moderation you can reach a certain level of drunken bliss, you know that slightly buzzed feeling where you can still remember your name. The key word is moderation, which apparently does not apply to me. Unfortunately, Vodka Red Bull is a sweet drink and being that I usually gulp, or chug about six before the magic starts to kick in. This was the case the other night, when disaster struck. I was in the flow jumping, skipping gleefully from bar to bar. At the last bar I visited that night, I put in the typical order, a couple of shots, and a couple of Vodka Red Bulls. But here is the kicker, when I dove my hand into my pocket to retrieve the all mighty DEBIT CARD, it WASN'T there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Panic struck me, "How can this be! Where is it?" I then proceeded to check all my pockets like I was crackhead looking for my last hit of rock. Ha what a site! I then ran back to the previous bar, "Please tell me I left my card here?" No luck..........it was gone. Heartbroke I met back up with my friends and convinced them to buy me some drinks. I don't think the true significance of losing the card had set in. The next morning I called and had my card cancelled and they told me a new one should be there in about a week. One WEEK, unbelievable, I can't wait a week, I got stuff to do and the weekend is fast approaching. On top of that I have an online bank, no physical branches, which means NO access to my cash for a week. So all I have to say is screw you DEBIT CARD, you did me wrong, you got yourself lost and now I'm without cash or any access to it for a week. If I had remained a strictly cash guy, this would have never happened. Now I have to resort to turning tricks and begging for money on the corner in front of my house just so I can have partying funds. I am now strongly considering going back to the all cash system.

That is all. Keep strong, keep drinking!!!!!!!!!

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